Once Upon A Text
by OncerForLife'IG
Summary: Text messages from our beloved characters.
1. Chapter 1

Emma & Regina

Emma: Hey, thanks for last night. I had fun ;)

Regina: Uhm, Miss Swan?

Emma: 0_0 Oh uh, sorry about that. I meant to text someone else...

Regina: Wait, I thought you were taking care of Henry last night!?

Emma: The number you have texted has been disconnected. This message is courtesy of att.

Regina: Don't you mean AT&T?

Emma: The number you have texted has been disconnected. This message is courtesy of AT&T*

Regina: We need to have a chat about your honesty Miss Swan...

* * *

Regina & Snow

Regina: Are you aware that your daughter was on a date last night?

Snow: Hello to you too Regina. And no I wasn't. How do you know this?

Regina: She accidentally texted me a few minutes ago.

Snow: Ah, so that's why she asked me to spend time with Henry -.-

Regina: Does that mean you'll be handling the situation?

Snow: You can count on it.

Regina: Good :)

* * *

Snow & Emma

Snow: EMMA SWAN! Did you lie to your father and I last night about going to work when you actually went on a date?!

Emma: I can explain...See what had happened was...

Snow: Yes? Go on.

Emma: I had gotten amnesia and started wandering around town...

Snow: You are a really bad liar. Nonetheless, you are in big trouble young lady. We are going to have a long talk when you get home.

Emma: Oh no...

Snow: Oh yes...

Emma: Who is this?

Snow: Oh don't play that game with me

Emma: I'm sorry, I really don't know who this is.

Snow: Oh well tell Emma someone left cookies here for her

Emma: OMFG COOKIES! Who left them for me?

Snow: I thought you weren't Emma...

Emma: Shit...

Snow: Mhmm...Like I said, bad liar.

* * *

Emma & Neal

Emma: Neal, really quick, I need your help!

Neal: Hey cupcake. What's up? ^_^

Emma: Don't call me cupcake -_-

Neal: But you're my sugarlump

Emma: NOT NOW NEAL, I NEED YOU TO FOCUS

Neal: Okay okay, what's wrong?

Emma: I need you to dress up like me and go to my house.

Neal: o_o WHY?

Emma: Just pretend to be me. I really need you to do this for me

Neal: What do I get in return ;D

Emma: Me not kicking the shit out of you

Neal: ...Fine

Emma: THANK YOU! Love you!

Neal: Yeah yeah whatever

* * *

_**I hope you like it! Please feel free to leave a review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

-Neal & Emma-

Neal: HELP!

Emma: Neal what's wrong?!

Neal: You need to get here NOW!

Emma: What happened!

Neal: I came here with a blonde wig on and pretended to be you.

Emma: Yeah, and?

Neal: Emma your parents aren't stupid

Emma: Okay then so why didn't you just leave?

Neal: I tried but Charming started chasing me around the house with his sword

Emma: Neal...where are you now?

Neal: In your closet hiding

Emma: *facepalm* Okay I'm coming to get you. Don't touch anything!

Neal: HURRY! I hear him coming! Nice jackets by the way

Emma: Why are you looking at my ja- Nevermind.

Neal: You should consider a wardrobe change.

Emma: I hope my dad finds you before I do...

Neal: ….

* * *

-Snow & Regina-

Snow: Thank you for letting us know about Emma

Regina: Oh trust me, it was my pleasure

Snow: I was wondering if you could share some advice on a situation, dear stepmother

Regina: Yeah, don't call me that. And what's the problem?

Snow: Neal came over dressed as Emma and we're wondering what to do with him

Regina: Are you sure he wasn't dressed as her because he found it pleasurable?

Snow: No, he did it because Emma asked him to

Regina: Still, he needs some help. Alright uhmm, kicking his ass is a tad bit too mean, even for me. I know! Tell his father, I'm sure Rumple will know how to handle this.

Snow: Yes, I worry about Neal sometimes, especially since he's Henry's father and he has his genes. But that's a wonderful idea, thanks!

Regina: I am NOT raising my son to be like that oaf. And you're welcome dear.

Snow: You'll see Regina, DNA plays a big part in personalities sometimes

Regina: That's why I have magic

Snow: You wouldn't use magic on Henry would you?

Regina: ….Well I do believe I'm late for something!

Snow: REGINA!

Regina: Regina's not here right now, please leave a message at the beep. BEEP.

Snow: Regina when you hear this message, we need to talk, it's Snow!

* * *

-Rumple & Neal-

Rumple: Son, why are the charmings texting me and telling you're in their house dressed up like a woman?

Neal: Not a woman. I'm dressed as Emma.

Rumple: Right, well son come to my shop. I fear we need to have a talk

Neal: Papa I can't. I can't come out of the closet.

Rumple: I really hope you mean that in the literal sense.

Neal: Yes of course! What else- You didn't just ask me that.

Rumple: Just checking son, I mean you haven't had a girlfriend in awhile.

Neal: Well maybe if you had loved me more...

Rumple: I knew I shouldn't have let you stay in Neverland with your grandfather.

Neal: At least I was having fun

Rumple: Right. Son, I'm going to tell you something I hope to have to never say again. COME OUT OF THE DAMN CLOSET ALREADY!

Neal: Ooo Emma's here! Bye Papa!

* * *

-Emma & Regina-

Emma: I want to THANK YOU KINDLY FOR SNITCHING!

Regina: Emma dear, I merely suggested if your parents knew exactly where you were last night.

Emma: Well your "suggestion" got me in a lot of trouble.

Regina: No one told you to ask that buffoon you call a baby daddy to dress up like you and confront your parents. Did you think your parents were stupid enough to believe that?

Emma: Maybe...Look I don't know. All I know is this is partially your fault!

Regina: MY fault? Dear, you're sadly mistaken. And what is this punishment you're so upset about?

Emma: I have to wear skirts for 2 weeks, no cookies and no tv.

Regina: Oh I see, that is a tragedy but I'll try my best not to laugh when I see you.

Emma: Thanks -.-

Regina: No problem! ^_^

Emma: I'm giving Henry candy and sending him to your house.

Regina: Miss Swan you better NOT!

Regina: MISS SWAN!

Regina: I'm coming over there right now and if my son has candy, the punishment your parents gave you is going to seem like a gift when I'm through with you.


	3. Chapter 3

~Hook & Emma~

Hook: Morning Beautiful ;)

Emma: You got me in trouble -.-

Hook: What do you mean?

Emma: My parents found out I was out the other night.

Hook: Did you tell them what we did...?

Emma: NO! Of course not. I don't need my mom ripping my head off plus they don't know who I was with.

Hook: Oh thank goodness. The last thing I want is your father trying to kill me. Besides, we just went out for drinks.

Emma: Yeah cos he's pretty pissed.

Hook: I can imagine. What'd they do to you since they know you lied?

Emma: I have to wear skirts for two weeks -_-

Hook: I'd love to see that, your lovely legs

Emma: HOOK NOT NOW

Hook: You know you love it

Emma: I'm not going there with you right now

Hook: Later then :3

Emma: You couldn't handle this

Hook: the time will come when we'll see if that theory is correct

Emma: Yeah, we'll see.

Hook: I have to go now, the tv is making a weird noise, I accidentally poured water on it, kinda.

Emma: Why would you pour water on the tv?

Hook: It said it was thirsty

Emma: Hook that was a commercial...

Hook: Shit. Uhm, I better call a firefighter. There's a rose outside of your door with a note attached. It's for you Swan. Talk to you later.

Emma: Silly pirate xD

* * *

~Henry & Regina~

Henry: Mom...

Regina: Yes son? What is it?

Henry: When are you coming home?

Regina: In an hour or so. Why, what's wrong?

Henry: There may be some chocolate all over the kitchen when you get here.

Regina: What does that mean?

*5 minutes go by*

Regina: HENRY MILLS!

Henry: I may or may not have created a chocolate volcano that spewed chocolate syrup everywhere.

Regina: If I come home and there's a mess in my beautiful kitchen, YOU. BETTER. RUN.

Henry: 0_0 Does that mean I should start cleaning?

Regina: Put it this way, if you don't, you won't see anything sweet for a year. How does that sound?

Henry: Can't talk! Cleaning!

Regina: That's my boy.

* * *

~Neal & Hook~

Neal: Hey Hook

Hook: Mate! What's up?

Neal: Got some stuff and who better to share it with than my best friend.

Hook: That touches my heart. I'll be over in a few minutes.

Neal: Awesome. And maybe we'll go TP Regina's house xD

Hook: Aye! And take turns texting Emma

Neal: Dude, our friendship is totally amazing

Hook: No doubt

Neal: Don't forget the rum!

Hook: Did you forget who I was?

Neal: Right. You better hurry before I start without you

Hook: Don't you dare or I'll tell the crocodile

Neal: Psh. He'll kill us both if you do.

Hook: True. Alright, I'm outside

* * *

~Robin & Regina~

Robin: Regina?

Regina: Yes? What is it?

Robin: I wanted to let you know that last night was something special.

Regina: Aww. Same for me dear. You really know how to treat a woman.

Robin: Thank you. I was always taught to treat a woman, especially a beautiful one like you, with the upmost kindness and respect.

Regina: You were taught well. When can we get together again?

Robin: How does tomorrow night sound? After I put Roland to sleep of course.

Regina: It's a date. And yes, I have to put Henry to bed as well.

Robin: I'll be counting the minutes until I'm in your presence again.

Regina: As will I. I'm so comfortable around you. It's like….

Robin: We were made for each other?

Regina: Yes! How did you know I was going to say that?

Robin: Because I feel the same way. There's something about you Regina. You bring out something in me and Roland has never been attached to someone so much like he is with you.

Regina: Well he is a little cutie, just as handsome as his father. I adore you both.

Robin: We adore you as well. Good night beautiful.

Regina: Good night Robin.

* * *

_**I thank you all for the reviews letting me know you loved this and want me to keep going. I know it seems like a long time before I update but if you follow me on IG (oncerforlife) you'll be able to get them first because I don't write all four parts at once, I may write one set of messages one week and the next set a few days later. So if you want to cut you waiting time down, go on and follow me lol Thanks again! Muah!**_


	4. Chapter 4

~Hook & Tinkerbell~  
Hook: Tink, my dear old friend  
Tink: What do you want?  
Hook: Now what makes you think I want something?  
Tink: Hook, I'm not stupid. You always come to me when you want something, so cut to the chase.  
Hook: Okay. I really need you help with something.  
Tink: What?  
Hook: Well, you know how I like Emma right?  
Tink: I think the whole town knows that, but yes. Go on.  
Hook: I could use your help with getting her something special. I was thinking rum...  
Tink: If you give that woman rum, I will take that bottle and smash you over the head with it. Women like romance Hook, not drunks.  
Hook: So you'll help me?  
Tink: I suppose so. In return, I want you help me get a date with someone.  
Hook: Ooo, you fancy someone? Who?  
Tink: I'll tell you when the time comes.  
Hook: Deal. Thanks Tink.  
Tink: You're welcome. You know you're like a brother to me. The only family I have left.  
Hook: Ay, same with me, lass. You're the only one I know I can count on no matter what.  
Tink: Love you goofball.  
Hook: Love you too!

* * *

~Cora & Regina~  
Cora: Regina?  
Regina: Yes mother?  
Cora: Is the microwave supposed to be on fire?  
Regina: No...why?  
Cora: Oh, no reason. Just curious. But if it was, how would you go about putting it out?  
Regina: MOTHER IS MY MICROWAVE ON FIRE?!  
Cora: Gina calm down, I got this. I'll use magic.  
Regina: NO DON'T! Just let me call someone to come and fix it, okay?  
*10 minutes go by*  
Regina: Mother?  
Cora: Fixed it. I sent it somewhere else.  
Regina: And where exactly is that?  
Cora: Not sure. But where ever it is, it's someone else's problem now.  
Regina: Oh God. I have got to get you somewhere else to live.

* * *

~Robin & Regina~  
Robin: Uhm Regina?  
Regina: Oh hey Robin. What's wrong?  
Robin: I know I'm still getting used to living in the modern world but is there supposed to be a flaming metal box outside my door?  
Regina: Oh my gosh Robin, no. I'm so sorry about that. That's my mother's fault. I'll have the fire department come handle it.  
Robin: Oh okay. It's all good. I can't wait to see you tonight.  
Regina: I can't wait to see you either. I need to smile right about now and you can always make me smile.  
Robin: I'm glad I can. You make my heart skip a beat. The good skip a beat though.  
Regina: You always know what to say. See you soon handsome.  
Robin: I'll be counting the minutes beautiful.

* * *

~Henry, Emma & Neal~  
Henry: Mom? Dad?  
Emma: Kid? Why are we in a group text?  
Neal: What's up pal?  
Henry: I wanted to talk to both of you without repeating myself. Operation Tarantula is in action.  
Neal: Really?! They're on the move?  
Emma: We better get moving then. There's no time to waste!  
Henry: Yes, I spotted them a few minutes ago. I'll meet you guys by Granny's. Kiddo out.  
Neal: Emma, you sure we should be doing this?  
Emma: Tis nothing sweeter than the taste of revenge.  
Neal: What? I'm confused. Since when do you eat revenge?  
Emma: *facepalm* YES WE ARE DOING THIS.  
Neal: It's just, last time you got me in trouble with my dad and I'll be grounded if I get in trouble again.  
Emma: It will be fine Neal. And if you get grounded, I'll reward your bravery with a kiss.  
Henry: Eeeewwwww!  
Neal: Yes! And how do you think you got here Henry? Plenty of kisses if you know what I mean.  
Emma: ...You did not just tell our 13 year old son that  
Henry: I'm gonna puke. Just hurry up before they leave!  
Neal: Right. Sorry. On my way.  
Emma: Almost there kid. I just needed to stop and grab a drink. Your dad threw me off for a second.  
Neal: Love you too Em. This is going to be EPIC!


	5. Chapter 5

Regina & Henry

Regina: Henry, what are you doing?

Henry: Oh uh, at home doing homework. Why?

Regina: Are you telling me the truth?

Henry: Uh huh...

Regina: Son, why am I looking at you and those two goofball parents of yours?

Henry: What you see is an illusion! It's not real! Just go back to enjoying your date.

Regina: I never told you I was going on a date...

Henry: Uh oh.

Regina: Mhmm...We'll talk later. I want to talk to those two idiots first.

Henry: Sorry mom

Regina: Oh you will be. Go home, NOW!

Henry: Yes mom.

* * *

Regina & Emma & Neal

Regina: You two are by far the dumbest idiots I have ever encountered.

Neal: Is that a good thing?

Emma: No Neal. Ssh! Regina, what are you talking about?

Regina: I'm looking out the window of the restaurant and I see you in one bush and Neal in the other. Why?

Emma: Oh no reason, just hanging around...

Regina: Uh huh. Neal, why are you two out there? And why was Henry with you?

Emma: NEAL DON'T!

Neal: Emma, you know she's a snitch. Might as well come clean.

Emma: Fine. Regina we were spying on you.

Regina: WHAT! Why?!

Neal: Your chair is rigged, if you get up from it, you'll be soaked with a bucket of water and a pie to the face.

Regina: You two. I'm going to rearrange your organs! If I were you, I'd RUN.

Emma: Neal...run!

Neal: Already down the street!

Emma: What?! You left me?!

Neal: Every man for himself Emma, you know the code.

Regina: Miss Swan, I suggest you find a better use for your free time before you're permanently placed in the hospital. This is your first and last warning. Don't do anything like this again. Understand?

Emma: You're gonna snitch, aren't you?

Regina: You bet your ass I am. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to resume my date. Goodnight.

Emma: Shit...

* * *

Neal & Emma

Neal: Emma, are you mad?

Emma: ...What do you think?

Neal: Yes?

Emma: DING DING! Correct. -_-

Neal: I'm sorry, Regina scares me

Emma: You have GOT to be kidding me. The woman is all bark and no bite! And you left me there all alone!

Neal: She's still scary. When her vein in her forehead starts bulging, scares the crap outta me. You never know if she'll explode.

Emma: Yeah...I guess you're right. That thing is scary.

Neal: I shouldn't have left you and I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you. Lunch at Granny's?

Emma: I would love to. But I have a feeling neither one of us will be going anywhere anytime soon.

Neal: Is she snitching?!

Emma: ...Yep. Uh oh, gotta go. My parental units are here and they don't sound too happy.

Neal: Good lu- Oh no. Papa...

* * *

Hook & Neal & Emma

Hook: Guys...

Neal: What's up Hook?

Emma: Why are you texting me at 2am?!

Hook: I think you'll want to come see this.

Emma: What is it?! My pillow is quite comfortable right now.

Neal: I'm coming.

Emma: Ugh. I'm not moving, you two just describe it to me.

Hook: Alright...as you wish love. Oh, Neal's here.

Emma: Good. Now what is it?

Neal: Oh no. Oh God Emma. You aren't going to believe this.

Emma: If one of you doesn't tell me what the hell is going on right now, I'm going back to sleep and ignoring you both.

Hook: There's a picture...Blown up to fit a billboard.

Neal: Emma, it's you and Regina

Emma: ME AND REGINA DOING WHAT?!

Hook: I'd rather not say. This is quite the awkward situation.

Neal: Omfg dude, this is going on Instagram.

Emma: I will BREAK ALL YOUR FINGERS IF YOU POST THAT! What the hell are we doing in this picture?!

Neal: Making out in your underwear.

Emma: WHAT?! I CAN'T BREATHE...

Hook: I can't either, laughing too much!

Emma: I'm going to have a heart attack. WHO PUT THAT UP THERE?!

Neal: Someone who doesn't like you or Regina. You might want to come see if you can get it down.

Emma: Regina...-_- This isn't over damnit. I'll be there in a few minutes.

Hook: Better hurry love. You know people start moving around in a few hours and soon the whole town will see.

Neal: I want to meet the person who did this. They are a genius.

Emma: Choke on air...

Hook: But wait, is it real?

Emma: You did not just ask me that dumb ass question...

Hook: I'll take that as a no then.


	6. Chapter 6

Emma & Regina

Emma: REGINA! GET UP!

Regina: Miss Swan it is 5 in the morning. What the hell do you want?

Emma: Look out of your window.

Regina: And why should I do that?

Emma: Your picture is on a billboard.

Regina: WHAT?!

Emma:Just get your ass up and see for yourself.

Regina: IS THAT US?!

Emma: From the looks of it, yep.

Regina: KISSING?!

Emma: YES CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!

Regina: IN OUR UNDERWEAR?!

Emma: Regina...So I take it you knew nothing about this?

Regina: OF COURSE NOT! Why the hell would I allow something like this to be broadcasted.

Emma: Well you obviously have someone who you've pissed off.

Regina: They must be pissed at you too. And they got the picture all wrong, my underwear is always a shade of red or black, not purple.

Emma: That's too much information Madame Mayor

Regina: Oh please, we're both adults here. Moving on, please get rid of the picture before our son sees it.

Emma: Not to worry, I have Hook and Neal here to help.

Regina: Oh those two imbeciles aren't capable of tying their own shoes, let alone get rid of something this important.

Emma: You're more than welcome to do this yourself then.

Regina: No, you three handle it, I have more important things to do, like sleep.

Emma: Right. I'm missing out on sleep because you pissed someone off and they took revenge on us both.

Regina: Goodnight Miss Swan. And if anyone sees that, you don't want to know what I will do.

Emma: Oooo shaking in my boots and leather jacket.

* * *

Robin & Regina

Robin: Good morning beautiful

Regina: And a good morning to you too handsome

Robin: Quick question sweetie

Regina: Yes dear?

Robin: Is that a picture of you and Emma on that billboard?

Regina: Excuse me?!

Robin: I don't mean any harm. It's just that it looks a lot like you except I know you like red and black more than purple

Regina: THAT BILLBOARD IS STILL UP?!

Robin: Yeah...I'm looking at it right now. Hook and Neal are trying to get it down and Emma's guiding them but it looks like they are struggling. I'll go help.

Regina: No need. Just step back.

Robin: Wh-...did you feel that random earthquake? Hey! The billboard is on fire!

Regina: Nope and good.

Robin: It literally just happened 30 seconds ago

Regina: Guess I was too busy doing something else

Robin: You caused it didn't you?

Regina: Maybe. Maybe not.

Robin: You're so sexy when you're mad.

Regina: Why don't you come over and I make us some breakfast

Robin: That sounds nice. Be over in 10

Regina: See you then. And let the three stooges know I will be talking to them later.

* * *

Cora & Hook

Cora: Captain?

Hook: Aye?

Cora: Have you heard about this billboard scandal?

Hook: I have. Neal and I were trying to take it down but Regina destroyed it. Robin told me she is pissed.

Cora: I need to tell you something, Captain to Captain...

Hook: I didn't know you had a ship.

Cora: I do! The S.S SwanQueen, it's HUGE

Hook: Interesting. Well what is it that you have to tell me?

Cora: I know who put up the billboard.

Hook: Who?

Cora: My first mate and I.

Hook: Who's your first mate?

Cora: My grandson Henry, who else.

Hook: Besides the fact that your prank was AMAZING, why'd you do it?

Cora: BECAUSE THAT THIEF IS BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!

Hook: You mean Robin?

Cora: Yes! That damn outlaw! So Henry and I have devised a plan. You're more than welcome to join in.

Hook: I do think I will.

Cora: Welcome aboard Captain! We're having a meeting later tonight at Granny's Diner, be there at 7.

Hook: See you then Captain!

* * *

Snow & Emma & Regina

Snow: EMMA MARIE SWAN!

Regina: If you're yelling for Emma, why am I getting the text?

Snow: BECAUSE! You were in that picture with my daughter!

Emma: Mom stop...

Regina: Snow, you don't know what you are talking about.

Snow: No! I will not stop! What the hell were you two thinking?!

Emma: Mom...

Snow: I mean, what if Henry saw it!?

Regina: Emma, remind me to change my number.

Emma: Will do.

Snow: I AM TALKING TO YOU TWO!

Emma: IT WAS NOT REAL!

Regina: Idiot.

Snow: Really?

Regina: Duh.

Emma: It was photoshopped. We're trying to find the person who did it.

Snow: Oh...sorry. You should've said that in the first place!

Emma: We tried but you insisted that you knew what was going on.

Regina: Snow, you could drive a person mad sometimes. I almost need some rum after that.

Snow: I apologize. Just trying to protect my only daughter.

Emma: That's nice mom but I'm a big girl now.

Regina: And if I were to pose in a picture with your daughter like that, she definitely wouldn't have anything on.

Snow: WHAT?!

Emma: Nice work Regina, now she's calling me. What did I ever do to you?

Regina: Ha! Enjoy talking to your mother dear. And that's payback, don't worry, there's more coming.

Emma: Sometimes I wonder why I left Boston...

* * *

Hook & Neal

Hook: Mate, did you know Henry and Cora were behind the billboard idea?

Neal: Really? What the hell? Why?

Hook: SwanQueen...

Neal: SwanQueen?

Hook: Aye

Neal: The hell is that?

Hook: It's the name of Emma and Regina's ship.

Neal: I didn't know Emma had a ship.

Hook: Work with me mate! The name of their relationship! Like mine and hers is CaptainSwan. Your ship with her is SwanThief or SwanFire. Whichever you prefer.

Neal: OOOOHHH! I got you. So Henry is a part of this ship?

Hook: Indeed. He's the first mate. Cora's the captain and I'm a proud crew member now.

Neal: Hook...what about CaptainSwan?

Hook: Oh don't you worry, like the Jolly Roger, CaptainSwan will forever sail even if I'm not on it.

Neal: But wait, does that mean Henry doesn't want me around?

Hook: Doubt it. I just think he sees more love between his mothers than between his mother and father.

Neal: Well if Henry ships it then I ship it.

Cora: WELCOME ABOARD!

Hook: How the hell?!

Cora: Anytime my ship is mentioned, I'm immediately notified.

Neal: You can do all that but you burn a microwave?

Cora: Minor technicality! Anyway! No sassing the captain! Have your ass at the meeting or you WALK THE PLANK!

Hook: She's serious too mate.

Neal: FINE! I'll be there.

Cora: Good! See you gentlemen later.


End file.
